Roaches leaping from the second floor balcony
In 1879 Thomas Edison used electricity to power a light bulb. He will be remembered for this accomplishment forever. In 2018 our dog Lucy has diarrhea and crapped, among other places, on the wall near the electric outlet. She will be remembered for this feat for at least a month. La La Land has poorly operating outlets. They work in the sense that electricity flows through them. However, the plugs of whatever items you hope to power just fall out of those three outlet holes. Edison would be disappointed at the outlets in this apartment. The don't hold anything long. (Unlike the scent that Lucy creates. It holds for a while).
Adolph Coors made a good beer. I am talking about the original Coors, not the watered-down Coors Light. Coors Banquet is a solid golden style beer. Not too heavy, yet light enough to be enjoyed. In fact, it's light enough to not give you diarrhea like a dog that ate whole bag of Bud's Best Cookies.
Bud's Best makes a series of stale crappy cookies that the fine residents of Birmingham chow down on when the local grocery stores run them on sale for a dollar a bag. I am enjoying a nice Coors Banquet as I type this. I am in the combination Living Room/Dining Room/Den in the apartment. I would normally be outside enjoying a cigar, but well... Bud's Best Diarrhea is too much for me to overcome. The usual tranquil setting of my pee pad covered porch has been turned into a scene from the 80's B-Movie "The Toxic Avenger". The mudslide that she has created out there is so bad that the roaches that reside in the porch-side storage closet are leaping from our second floor balcony.
"Smokey and the Bandit" had a pretty simple plot - Bootleg Coors Beer across the country. It's a good beer and all, but not drive across the country good. I mean, it's not even sit on the diarrhea covered pee pad porch good. Damn Bud and his dollar Strawberry Creams. It's my fault I can't have a cigar tonight. If you put something in a bin with a "10 for $10" sign on it. I'm going buy it. I actually remember thinking "What could it hurt?" Bud's cheap ass cookies answered that question when my wife was cleaning the wall this morning.
I just walked a bag full of pee pads saturated with brown liquid dog excrement down to the dumpster. Hey folks, my gag reflex is working just fine. This whole Bud's Best diarrhea episode is like one of those hormone driven nightmares you had when you went through puberty. Somebody wake me.
I wonder if Thomas Edison had a dog. I bet that Thomas was smart enough to keep the Bud's Best Cookies out of reach of his pets.
The damn charging cord keeps falling out of the outlet as I sit under the light in the combination Living Room/Dining Room/Den. The glow from Edison's miracle dances across the brown glass that holds the refreshing Banquet of Beers. On the other side of the door that lead to the pee pad porch the light emanating from Gracie's bedroom window dances across the glistening brown diarrhea. I sip my beer. Another roach leaps from the second floor balcony. I push the damn charging cord back into the outlet.
I vow to never buy Bud's Best Cookies ever again. Well, until they are placed into a bin - "10 for $10" again. But, you can bet your sweet ass that if I ever bring some home to the new house, I will make sure they are out of Lucy's reach. I shudder at the thought of the wrath of my wife after she cleans diarrhea from a wall in the house that is almost complete Over Yonder.
Adolph Coors made a good beer. I am talking about the original Coors, not the watered-down Coors Light. Coors Banquet is a solid golden style beer. Not too heavy, yet light enough to be enjoyed. In fact, it's light enough to not give you diarrhea like a dog that ate whole bag of Bud's Best Cookies.
Bud's Best makes a series of stale crappy cookies that the fine residents of Birmingham chow down on when the local grocery stores run them on sale for a dollar a bag. I am enjoying a nice Coors Banquet as I type this. I am in the combination Living Room/Dining Room/Den in the apartment. I would normally be outside enjoying a cigar, but well... Bud's Best Diarrhea is too much for me to overcome. The usual tranquil setting of my pee pad covered porch has been turned into a scene from the 80's B-Movie "The Toxic Avenger". The mudslide that she has created out there is so bad that the roaches that reside in the porch-side storage closet are leaping from our second floor balcony.
"Smokey and the Bandit" had a pretty simple plot - Bootleg Coors Beer across the country. It's a good beer and all, but not drive across the country good. I mean, it's not even sit on the diarrhea covered pee pad porch good. Damn Bud and his dollar Strawberry Creams. It's my fault I can't have a cigar tonight. If you put something in a bin with a "10 for $10" sign on it. I'm going buy it. I actually remember thinking "What could it hurt?" Bud's cheap ass cookies answered that question when my wife was cleaning the wall this morning.
I just walked a bag full of pee pads saturated with brown liquid dog excrement down to the dumpster. Hey folks, my gag reflex is working just fine. This whole Bud's Best diarrhea episode is like one of those hormone driven nightmares you had when you went through puberty. Somebody wake me.
I wonder if Thomas Edison had a dog. I bet that Thomas was smart enough to keep the Bud's Best Cookies out of reach of his pets.
The damn charging cord keeps falling out of the outlet as I sit under the light in the combination Living Room/Dining Room/Den. The glow from Edison's miracle dances across the brown glass that holds the refreshing Banquet of Beers. On the other side of the door that lead to the pee pad porch the light emanating from Gracie's bedroom window dances across the glistening brown diarrhea. I sip my beer. Another roach leaps from the second floor balcony. I push the damn charging cord back into the outlet.
I vow to never buy Bud's Best Cookies ever again. Well, until they are placed into a bin - "10 for $10" again. But, you can bet your sweet ass that if I ever bring some home to the new house, I will make sure they are out of Lucy's reach. I shudder at the thought of the wrath of my wife after she cleans diarrhea from a wall in the house that is almost complete Over Yonder.
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